Vicissitudes

 

VICISSITUDES

I was never one of those people who dwelled on sad things or even traumatic experiences; heck, I am a master at downplaying horrible experiences into something simple or funny.

I never wear my problems on my sleeves or particularly share them, and I remember that the first time I shared specific experiences about myself with my close friends and now partner, it seemed impossible. I am the happy-go-lucky girl, the one who looks after everyone she sees as essential.

2023 happened, and life took a rather drastic turn; I did not expect it. I am someone who had seen so many deaths that it was starting not to faze me anymore until this year. I was shocked in more ways than one. 

I am going to take you on my 2023 recap, sharing as much as my memories would allow and best believe, it is most likely going to be the last time I talk about sad stuff cos 2024 is going to be a crazy, fun and happy year, I hope you look forward to it like I am.

Let's take it month by month, yeah? (Might be a long read)

January.

This month, I started on the most spiritual path I had taken in probably three years. I had done crossover service in church for the first time in 3 years. I had words and prophecies that I had penned down. I remember pasting them on my large locker door in Moremi. I spent the holidays in the hostel, but I prayed; I was excited in my spirit. I had also gotten the best end-of-the-year emails a week before. Everything was looking great till 5:34 am on the 13th of January. I got a call from my friend's mum. The crazy part was that I usually put my phone on DND overnight, but that particular night, I felt I shouldn't, and I did not. I picked up the call with a panic attack slowly creeping in. I heard my friend's voice, 'Hello, Eunice, I am in the hospital.' I remember rubbing my eyes and saying hospital? What happened? She said, 'There was a fire. I got burnt a little, and she said I shouldn't worry that she only called to let me know and to keep it between us. The call dropped, and I could not go back to bed. I had assumed it was small, like she said, but something felt wrong, so I waited till bright morning, and I called again and asked for the hospital and eventually found my way there later in the day. I remember walking into the hospital ward, feeling nauseous as I'm not too fond of hospitals, and I finally saw my friend. 

My heart sank. I thought I lost my mind for some seconds. I froze in my tracks, and I could not believe what I was seeing. She said it was a little, but it was not. But if you know me well enough, I do a fantastic job hiding my feelings; I would not just break down and start crying, so I sucked it up and moved closer to her; she looked at me and smiled as much as she could. I will spare you further details: three days went by. I visited, went to church, and did overnight prayers.

16th of January came, and boy, I was broke; I could not go to the hospital. I decided to take food orders, make quick cash and go to the hospital the next day. I did. I made a few thousands, and I went to hang out with my friends; I could not tell anyone that our friend was in the hospital, so that day, I experienced a strange kind of joy, almost like God was filling me with so much for joy so that I was strong enough to take the news that was to come. I laughed crazily with my friends till midnight, and it almost did not make sense why we were so happy and eventually, we went to bed. Before I slept, I tried to pray. I had the worst kind of chest pain, but I told myself that it was just being paranoid, so I eventually slept, and this time, I put my phone on DND.

It was 8 am the following day, and a call woke me up just when the DND action would turn off. A friend called, and he said, 'Eunice, is it true?'I was irritated because why were you calling to ask if it was true so I asked to say what he was saying correctly. He asked again if the news was accurate, and I said I didn't know what he was talking about, so he said check your phone, and I dropped the call. I saw 15 missed calls, and I turned on my data, and life changed for me. I eventually went to see my friend buried that day with a plethora of emotions and, most of all, deep regret.

The following days were the most challenging for me: calling, consoling, and planning. I would watch my friends cry and eventually fall asleep and then sneak out to the bathroom to cry my guts out; I did not want to break down in front of anyone cos it would make things worse for everyone and God so good, my friend who passed had so many friends, so there were a lot of people to check on, and for many, I had to be strong for.

Life paused for many days; I could not open my locker or check my messages, and I stopped praying. I lost a decent percentage of my faith in January.

February

This month, I was in a lot of pain. I had stopped attending classes and focused solely on cooking, making money and planning to leave Nigeria. I became more involved in the social activities of my department. I attended my first overnight party as a business owner, and I stood for over 13 hours making food. I cried a lot at night. I became really numb and even unnecessarily involved with certain characters. I became close with T, the crazy part, and he would also die in the months to come. I attended my first class since school resumed on the 7th of February. Oh, the crazy amount of sad faces and long hugs. I hated it, and I left just after the first class. My closest sister travelled out this month, and Man. Utd played decently well that month. I also volunteered with PDP, and we had that unnecessary election break from school. I was also entangled with someone who could not give me what I wanted, so it ruined the holiday for me to a decent degree. 

March,

This month started on a high note for me. I got featured in my first interview as a business owner on my department's page. I also tried to start healing and finding God again a little; trust me, it did not work. I read many quotes, speeches and blah blah, a complete waste of my time. Ramadan came, and I tried a new menu; it was only a hit for the first two weeks. I also started to come to terms with who I was really in love with this month, and for many reasons then, we still could not be together just yet. I did a lot of business, too; I made my first hair of the year, too, and school resumed. I had practically stopped attending classes as the ultimate goal was to drop out and relocate for 6-12 months. I tried new recipes and ended the month trying to help a friend have an excellent birthday amid the collective hurt.

April

This month started on a 'bambiala' note, lol. I was trying my luck for a 200k grant, but it did not work out; eventually, my brother paid my foreign fees and booked my flight this month, too, and I started having panic attacks again. It finally hit that I would be away from my friends and family for a while. I continued making sales, often hung out with T, and wore a skirt for the first time in many years.

MCSA week also started, and for some strange reason unknown to me to date, I was interested in showing up for whatever I could for my department, so I did. It was fun and stressful, but I think it was worth it eventually. Hassan also got me to do something I had never considered. I did the Miss MCSA thingy and did not win or end up in the top 5 but it was exhilarating. My business tweet blew up on X as well, and my birthday came, and I got a lot of gifts. I was still unhappy, but my friends and family did come through for me. T even got me a birthday cake, and I did a mini birthday/farewell picnic with my closest friends the following week.

May-August

May started on a serious note; I got my necessary vaccines, had my first love moment of the year, packed up and left Nigeria, and got the best messages and support system. I got to Rwanda, and that city was cold and the neatest place I had ever seen in my entire life. My first cultural shock was that the 'zebra crossing' in Rwanda works. The moment you step on it, bikes, buses and whatever else stop immediately. They also had clean milk and fresh veggies, but it was hard to navigate because people only spoke English in my school; everywhere else was another language, so it was hard to exist there as a foreigner once I stepped outside my school building. I also took way more bikes on crazy, long journeys. I ate a lot of dairy and banana bread. In between, I still had love interests in Nigeria and eventually got entangled with the sweetest but worst person I had encountered; he would attempt to ruin my relationship later in September. My brother and his wife had a baby, so I became Aunty Eunice for the second time in June.

I also decided to come back home and try to juggle my two degrees and my business. I did not explore Rwanda as I am not a great fan of the country, so I don't have many experiences to share.

I got back home the first week in August; I had to first move out of my apartment as the rent was due and move back in with my eldest sister, pending the time school resumed. I had a welcome-back picnic with my friends again. My partner also asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks into August, and it was adorable and sure, I did say yes. August was my first happiest month this year. It was blissful and peaceful till September came.

September

September started on a high note; Bumpa sent me a business recognition award, I finished my online culinary classes and became a certified chef, and I started my internship in ALU at CcHub; towards the end of the month, I did something I should not have, I interfered in a matter that did not concern me anymore, while, it did hurt me a little that I was being played and could have ended up as a side piece, I was with someone new, I should have minded my business but sure, my friend convinced me to do women before men and did it come back to bite me in the face? Sure, the silly guy came back with unfounded and unnecessary lies to attempt to ruin my relationship as I had almost destroyed his; anyway, it did not work, and thankfully, I have a perfect partner. We figured things out, came clean to each other and swept stuff out of the room instead of under the carpet. That event did a number on me. I lost friendships that I had considered necessary, and I had unnecessary rumours flying around, but it is what it is, yeah. It taught me to mind my business a whole lot more and always to trust my instincts.

October

This month came with many promises but with an equal amount of stress. Both schools had resumed, and it started taking a toll on me. Then there was the hostel hassle, I did not get space early enough due to the many new rules the new VC came with. I was also commuting to Sabo for IT. It was stressful, but I started to work on my faith again this month. I even went to church twice till that Sunday night- 29th October. I knew my friend was sick and had reached out a few times, but I did not realise how bad it was till the night before when I kept feeling a severe urge to place a call through. I called, and someone else responded that he was in the hospital and would call me back when he could. He replied to just one of my texts, and I assumed he would be fine since he could text me back.

I came back from church Sunday evening and started to get weird texts again, the 'is it true' texts. T had passed. He was gone just like W. His last text to me was, ' Omo, we thank God o'. I grew cold after getting that confirmation text; it felt like January again. I texted my partner with tears in my eyes, saying, 'D, Tunmise is dead'. It did not make sense, and I wailed all night. I did not believe it till the following day when I walked down his street and saw people outside. It was true. T was gone, and here I was again, having to send out a message to inform his classmates and plan another candlelight. And just like that, my faith disappeared again.

November- December

November started with another candlelight and a burial, fast-paced and just like that, I watched another friend get laid down into the very depth of the earth, just two turns away from where the first one was buried. After that burial ceremony, I mustered enough courage with another friend to visit the graveyard of my other friend, as I had not been there since she was laid on the ground as well. I paid for the stones to be cleaned and just stood there looking at the slab. It was crazy in my head, and we left. November saw me try so hard not to crash from the pressures from both schools, an almost dying business and the pangs of death whispering in my ears at every turn. God did a thing. I made my most significant sale of the year. While there is an immense potential of me being in crippling debt in January, God came through in November still. I finished my IT in November.

By December, I was already wrapping up my second semester at ALU with crazy assignments and summative whilst battling with projects and classes from Unilag.

December came with a lot of school workload, reduced sales and the end of a close friendship again. For the first time in a while, I ended a friendship with someone extraordinarily dear and close to me. If you do read this, I hope you understand that I am usually one with so much love to give to those I decide to offer, but when I move on, it is hard to come back. I hope, at some point, we can, but for now, I do wish you the best life has to offer.

December is ending with me subtly sad, content, in love, alone but with deep rest as I know that I did go through so much, and while it may have broken me, I am still here sharing my story with you all.

ALL IN ALL,

This year was tough. I lost a lot, I made mistakes, I ruined friendships, I lost friendships, I lost investments, and I was largely unhappy, but it was still an excellent year for me. I travelled to two countries, won awards, got features, and made many new friends. I even skated, I laughed, and most importantly, I found love again.

This is my 2023 recap, and I hope you were able to pick a thing or two. In 2024, I don't just want to be described as strong or resilient, I want to be known as someone truly happy and had all her dreams come true. 

Also, remember that life is short, and you should go after everything you want and make the best memories every day. W taught me that.

All my love,

Eunice❤️