Jordan❤️

 

Hi,

Whew! It’s my 23rd

For me, it’s the best moment of reflection 

This past year has been the toughest and somewhat unfolding to be a really good year. 

One of the good victories.

It’s been super hard and I do not like to say that

I don’t share the tough times because sometimes, I feel what would the other person do?

In the past year, I have lost people, both to nothingness and to death. 

I have also met people and truly, I haven’t done much to nurture those friendships.

I guess one can say I have those old walls from years ago back up again.

I find myself in a state of hoarding myself from people and ultimately hoarding love.

And if you know me well, at least enough, you would know that I used to be such a great sucker for love in all of its forms and patterns.

Prior to this day, I had zero plans for my birthday 

Zero excitement, zero sadness 

I had been in a state of numbness, I wasn’t feeling anything.

For the most part, most of the greatest forms of excitement in my life no longer exist or aren’t in the nearest place and I have zero regrets.

I didn’t have anything in mind.

In the past year, I made a conscious effort to be busy, very busy in fact.

I got so neck deep into school, business, career and slowly I became invisible to almost everyone.

In sight but out of mind.

I found myself being that 18 year old kid again. 

Writing my 3rd JAMB, interning at my 3rd company whilst running a business still.

Busy. My succour 

I lost a whole lot this past year, I was hurt 

I still am, I am still pained

I still go to bed with terrible chest pains when I remember 

I still lose memories

I still expect death everyday. From somewhere or anywhere 

I still struggle with belief, I still ask those questions.

But I sit here behind my keypad 

Still grateful, still excited about life and the million possibilities 

I’m becoming happier with each day beneath the many layers of hurt.

I still look out for people 

I may not give out myself like before.

And I may not fix that soon

But I am flowing down 

Like Jordan

Pouring down, slowly, gently

Pouring out the hurt, the pains 

The many masks, the scars

I’m letting myself feel again

I’m learning to love again

I’m learning to find myself again

Whatever I may be.

I hope to be like Jordan completely soon again.

I may not have any plans for the day

But sharing this would definitely make me feel lighter 

I hope.

Happy birthday to me❤️

And my many selves.

📸: Orisa Dare